


The Fear of Falling Apart

by LibraLibrary



Category: Sonic X, Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Cosmo's a part of team dark in this, F/M, POV First Person, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sharing a Bed, bc i want to see my little girl, but it's ok cosmo is too, but it's the first I'm posting of it WOO, but not like romantically GUN just put them up in a hotel, can be read as a developing ship or just them being slowburn best friends, cosmo's pov, might add more tags with part two, more like scenes before the big stuff, rarepair hell makes for warm winters, sonic x6 au, the edgehog is traumatized, this is the universe of an au I've been making but not part of the big action
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-14 18:08:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11213436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibraLibrary/pseuds/LibraLibrary
Summary: You'll never stop being afraid of him, but you've learned that you might need to be afraid *for* him.OrShadow's set off by something during a fight and Cosmo tries to Help.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Part two coming soon and I mean it this time I'm gonna right it ASAP bc it's fresh in my head
> 
> IDK why I ship Shadow and Cosmo I just do 
> 
> Takes place a good bit after Sonic X, so Cosmo's in Adult Form now and she and Shadow and both back and better than ever except you know both being traumatized teenagers who need a damn break

You were the first to locate the shutoff switch in all the chaos, so of course you immediately ran for it, barely remembering to call out for someone to watch your back. You were so focused on reaching the switch you hadn’t even noticed that Shadow was the first to respond, and you certainly didn’t notice the way he stiffened up, or how his eyes widened. You just steadied yourself against the wall, one hand splayed out as the other reached up to grab the lever jutting out, and didn’t even realize anything was amiss until a dented metal component slammed against the wall just feet away. You turned, ready to shout at Rouge to watch herself, but the words caught thick in your throat when you saw Shadow.

Standing still in a whirlwind of robotic limbs and laser fire.

Eyes wider than you’ve ever seen them.

Slowly and absentmindedly crushing another robotic mook’s head like a stress ball.

“Shadow?”

Your voice was so quiet in the din of the fight, and his lack of reaction lead you to assume he couldn’t hear you.

“Shadow? What’s wrong?”

The sound of a laser powering up just feet from your back just barely reached your ears, and the world slowed down as you tried to turn your head. In your peripheral, the rose petals spilling out of your grassy hair swept past the rising glare of a weapon charging to fire, and then…

Then the blur of red and black impacted the menacing robot, and you let out the breath you weren’t entirely aware you were holding. You returned to the lever, momentarily back to reality, and yanked it down harder than you really needed to. The sounds of the brawl gave way to the crash of all remaining robots powering down and collapsing, and Rouge started yelling about how she wasn’t done having her fun, but stopped abruptly.

It took you a second to realize that, even with all enemies out of the equation, there was still the harsh groan and thud of a robot being mangled behind you. For a second, you had forgotten about-

“Shadow?”

If he was aware that the machines were disabled, he sure as hell wasn’t acting like it. You watched him brace one foot against the useless assailant’s dented shoulder, before ripping off the thing’s head like it was nothing. You had never seen him like this, and judging by Rouge and Omega’s stunned silence, neither had they.

When he began slamming the head against the wall, grunting in exertion and gritting his teeth so hard you could almost hear them cracking inside your head, you finally moved to stop him. 

~

It had taken all three of you to forcibly wrench the unrecognizable piece of metal out of Shadow’s hands, but once you had, it was like a switch had been flipped. He had blinked a few times, looked at you (and seemed to actually see you this time), and without a word brushed himself off as if nothing had happened.

You wanted to ask if he was alright, but you knew the answer.

The trip back to the hotel was completely silent, not even the common thrill of victory shifting the mood of confusion and concern. He was the first in the shared suite, and as you finally stepped through the doorway, you had heard the bathroom door shutting just a tad shy of a slam. For a few minutes, you all just assumed he was cleaning up after a tiring fight.

Twenty minutes after the shower had gone silent, you came to the realization that you were wrong.

Omega had already excused himself, retreating the room he was sharing with Rouge to power down for a rest in his own little corner, which left the two of you to bicker over whether you should call for a spare room to use its shower. The discussion got so heated neither of you had noticed the click of the bathroom lock disengaging, though you both managed to quiet down just in time to hear the soft sound of the hallway closet shutting. 

You let Rouge take the next shower, and as she walked past the hall closet she had brushed her knuckles gently against the door. You couldn’t hear exactly what she was murmuring, but it sounded a lot like a soft “thanks”.

After you were all cleaned up and you and Rouge had patched up each other’s superficial battle wounds, you ordered enough takeout to feed an entire army. You made sure to leave some by the closet door before you returned to the living room to keep scarfing down junk and surf for mindless entertainment. Before you finally retired to bed (part of you was glad Shadow hadn’t locked himself in your shared room, but another side of you feels guilty, you would’ve gladly taken the couch and let him have the bed), you passed by the hall one last time to pick up the empty plate.

You were so exhausted from the wild events of the day you passed out within minutes of your head hitting the pillow, too tired to even stay up and contemplate what the hell you had seen earlier. Despite the confused emotions running wild, you slept sounder than you had in a long time.

But now?

Now you’re awake, because even after a day like today you can’t turn off the now instinctual panic.

Because Shadow the Hedgehog is in the room, standing over the bed in the soft moonlight, staring right at you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wait a second if *YOU* have PTSD and *I* have PTSD then WHO'S FLYING THE PLANE

The soft blue lighting of the room flickers into a cautious red as you try to feverishly blink away what can only be a repeated nightmare you know far too well by now. The silence of the night is louder than a warning siren, and while the hotel bedroom is nothing at all like the cozy quarters of a familiar spaceship, panic is an irrational beast clawing at the walls of your dropping stomach. It happened before, it’s happening now, and this time you aren’t surrounded by friends willing to fight off the supposed Ultimate Lifeform for you. You’re fairly certain if you scream, Rouge and Omega will burst through the wall within seconds and try to help, but would that even be soon enough?

Shadow remains completely still, either not aware you’re awake or uncaring. His head is tilted down slightly, and his eyes are unmistakably pointed in your direction...and yet…

The panic racing through your mind refuses to slow, but a quiet voice in your mind incessantly whispers that things are not what they seem, that you need to wake up (you are awake, you’re more awake than you’ve ever been)...

You should be making eye contact with Shadow. In the moment, the world around you has shrunk down to those piercing red eyes, they’re all you can see, you’re staring right at him. But he doesn’t even seem to see you. They seem almost dull, twin orbs of matte black and red. He remains as silent and unmoving as a corpse, and that thought combined with your own continued state of living shocks you out of your horrorstruck reverie. 

“...Sh….Shadow?”

For the first time since you became aware of his presence (good god, has it really only been a few seconds?), he blinks, though his eyes remain dull and distant. Starting to understand that you aren’t the one in danger here, you briefly examine him much more thoroughly. Down at his sides, his hands are both clenched so tight you can see his arm subtly shaking from the force. If he wasn’t wearing his gloves, you’re pretty sure his palms would be dripping blood. The mental image shakes you, and you sit up so fast you almost scare yourself.

“Shadow.”

It takes him a moment to lift his head to meet your gaze again, and while the light streaming past the curtains brightens his eyes again, he still seems like he’s not really looking at you. Everything about this situation seems wrong; you’ve had nightmares about him watching you sleep for months, jumping out of your skin every time you so much as heard another distant guest in the night, but instead of a frantic chase or a painful assault, the boogeyman you fight alongside in the day and cautiously avoid after dark can’t even seem to speak. This is the same hedgehog that hunted you down and nearly killed all your friends to do so. This is the hedgehog who pulled you onto his back and dropped you unceremoniously into a plane seat after you made a foolish mistake when you were still nothing more than a weak child. And the quiver in his hands is spreading slowly up his arms, through his shoulder, and into the rest of his typically imposing form.

All it takes is a brief flash of recognition, and you suddenly know exactly what’s happening. You push yourself up off the bed, and without even pausing to let yourself fret over the risk, you reach down and take his hand. You feel him stiffen slightly, but his twitching fingers slowly curl around your’s. The quiet, doubtful side of your mind that had expected rejection is silenced entirely; this seems like as much of a cry for help as he’s able to give at the moment.

“Alright then,” you murmur, instincts still flaring at the contact with a recognized danger, “you need to rest.”

You still can’t believe this is happening, even as you gently walk him over to his side of the bed and cautiously coax him into sitting down. He seems to be regaining a slight semblance of control, reclining on top of the covers of his own volition as you retrieve a spare blanket from under the bed. You gently unfurl the blanket over him, and one gloved hand catches the edge as he rolls to one side, curling up and facing your side of the bed. For a moment, you consider letting him have the bed to himself, but the distant thought of jolting awake on the couch to his silhouette facing you once again dismisses the idea. So you simply return to your side, crawling back into the covers as if it’s just another night in a hotel, sharing a bed with someone who once tried to murder you.

Of course, as tired as the day has left you, sleep doesn’t return easily after what just happened. You’re now very sure that Shadow had no plans to harm you, or even scare you; still, you’re deeply rattled by the unexpected trip on memory lane. All you seem able to do at the moment is lay on your back, staring up at the darkened ceiling trying to deal with the fact that Shadow the Hedgehog, the “Ultimate Lifeform” who has never given you any indication of ANY form of quote-unquote “weakness”, just came to you in the midst of what is very clearly a fit of traumatic catatonia. Everything that happened a few hours ago, his freezing up in the midst of a huge fight, his violent destruction of the robot that threatened you, is starting to make sense.

“....Blue.”

You flinch a little, and turn your head to face your bedmate. He doesn’t make eye contact, staring down at the edge of his blanket as he idly rolls it between two fingers. He seems to hesitate, thinking over his next few words, before continuing, voice softer and more genuine than you’ve ever heard.

“Your eyes are blue. I don’t think I ever really noticed that before.”

“...Yeah?”

“....Her eyes were the same blue.”

It clicks instantly, and you understand everything that’s happened the last twelve hours. Your friends have told you all about the ARK, all about Maria. 

All about her death.

You’re not entirely sure what to say. Would an apology be appropriate? Would his pride allow him to accept it? Finally, you settle on something you quickly realize you had forgotten to say earlier.

“Thank you for saving me.”

“Hm.”

That’s as close to a “you’re welcome” as you’re ever going to get, and you’re okay with that. The room is utterly quiet, save for the soft shifting off the bed as he slowly pushes off his shoes and kicks them off the edge of the bed. The silence is, for the most part, comfortable, but you can’t deny the feeling that you’re so tantalizingly close to a moment that’s been a long time coming. The words bubble up out of your throat before you can stop them.

“Sometimes, when I see white flowers out of the corner of my eye...I turn around expecting Galaxina to be there.”

Above the covers, your own hands begin to clench, and as tears start to burn at the corners of your eyes, you wonder why the hell you just said that. At your side, the bed shifts, and you turn your head slightly to see Shadow staring at you. For the first time since this odd encounter started, you establish eye contact, and you can never express just how relieved you are that the look in his deep red eyes is not unkind. When he speaks, his voice is level and matter-of-fact.

“It never stops.”

You nod, blinking as the tears slowly drip down your face onto the pillow. “I know.”

You aren’t sure which of you falls asleep sooner, but it doesn’t feel like it matters anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> help i have third degree slow burns and the only cure is content for an otp NOBODY ELSE SHIPS


End file.
